=/ .

'Lucas , why are your eyes red ? ' My dad asked me . I just shrugged and said nothing .

It hurt . So bad . To hear you . Feeling like how you're feeling . Just like your uncanny ability to make people extremely happy with words alone , you can make people feel so useless , guilty , and helpless as well .

I felt so disgusted with myself . It is my fault isnt it ? Yes it is . Leaving you . But I couldnt possibly hide anything from you until the last moment . I really would have loved to . But then . I could imagine the look on your face when I told you the last day I would be leaving . Maybe you wouldnt even want to talkto me anymore . So I choose the other , telling you early on so you can prepare for what awaits you . the final painful inevietability that we both have to go through . Especially you .

Maybe I should have just not told you until the night I was leaving . But still , I have no heart to hide anything for you .

Hm . We'd survive this .




I promise .